Kids Smiling at me...

Right now I'm in Huntington Beach, CA on a business trip for about 2 months with a small at-home break in-between. It's really cool that while I'm here I get to spend alot of time on the weekends with my brother - we've been hitting some touristy spots, the beach, etc. What's interesting to me is that I am noticing that there are alot of little kids who catch my eye - smiling at me (or maybe someone behind me, who knows). Anyway, what does it mean? Do they see you as a pure soul who's going through alot of pain wishing for one of their own to come along? Do they see that I'm a natural fit to be a father - a really good one? It happens all the time.

I'm also noticing alot of transracial kids running around with their white families, and it's a nice thing to see... Just makes me excited about having our adopted children from S. America someday!

Children by the Dill Tree

Kids everywhere.
-Running, screaming, wearing antennae hats, climbing all over the place, playing with our dog...
Cuteness everywhere.
-Sadness & Hope.

Visiting my brother in Sherman Oaks, we went a local park to hang out and as soon as we arrived, despite the beautiful weather, I immediately noticed the kids that were everywhere...

Parents were hanging out too - young professionals, stay-at-home moms, and others. I had a good time ultimately, playing frisbee with my bro, but ended up talking about the usual infertility stuff with my bro's gf. Usual stuff, no new insights or anything except for the discussion about some of the hard-core emotional problems adopted kids sometimes get. She runs a school in LA for kids that are emotionally disturbed, and has seen it 1st hand - some of these kids can be pretty rough. But, when you're in our shoes, we'll take our chances and we feel confident that we'll be able to raise our adopted child in an environment with enough openness that they'll be able to grow into themselves despite being of a different race/culture than their parents. I think we are comfortable enough to let our kids experience their native culture as they grow up, and it will be nice for us as well, since we love experiencing different cultures - especially their food. We're not worried about that stuff. We just want a chance!

It's totally a non-issue.

-David

Crying at Weddings...

Most people cry at weddings for the usual reasons... The beautiful bride... transitioning from a bachlorettedom to couplehood; Leaving the nest for good... Starting a new life with her new husband...

Not me. As of tonight, at a wedding of one of my wife's friends, I started a subtle cry session unbeknownst to anyone including my wife. Before the wedding procession began, I started to pay attention to all of the kids crying, talking (babyspeak), and playing with their coloring books. As the wedding proceeded and the adorable ring-bearers approached the front of the chapel, my heart began to swell. They were so cute! During the ceremony, as the child of one of the bridesmaids began to cry, the grandfather (I think) offered to take care of the tot (off to the side), probably to reminisce with the feeling of once being a father and taking care of one or more of his own. I remember the expression on his face when he finally returned with the baby in his arms, calm and all, totally satisfied - for volunteering to console his great-grand-daughter during the wedding service.

I guess it's a mandatory rule that all kids at weddings have to be cute. It just makes things harder for the temporary infertile (There I go again... being positive...(Alex will probably tell you it's a disease!)).

So, Soon after I silently began to tear up, I quickly regained my stature to avert any chain-reactions coming from my wife standing next to me. It still hurt though. Kind of bitter-sweet actually, where I'm happy to see the kids and I'm rather entertained by them nowadays, but still longing for some of my own.

Then, during the reception as I walked to the bar to get a couple of drinks, someone's kid grabs hold of my leg and starts swinging from it. Oh Wow. It felt great for a split second. The connection. Then the awkwardness of someone seeing their kid swinging from the leg of some stranger. And ending with a feeling of happy-sadness - wishing for one of my own. I felt the feelings come and go all throughout the reception, especially when the kids were on the dance floor expressing themselves without any hint of negative self-conciousness. Pure play. Pure expression.

In any case...At least I don't have any other weddings on the horizon - for at least another year - hopefully ! (Unless we get pregnant, of course!).