Fertility awareness
As a man, I generally feel quite detached from emotional stuff concerning infertility. Perhaps I'm a selfish fellow, or, as you know from my previous posts, I don't like getting into a negative mindset.
Unfortunately I must make a confession... PollyAnna has stepped out for a little while. While my wife rejoices at this notion, the idea that I'm not as strong in my positivo convictions as I previously projected, I feel that I'm finally coming out of the relatively long 1-month tunnel of doubt. It was a time of detachment, not the good kind, but more of a numbing kind - where you just don't want to think about it because you feel like you just threw away $15 Grand. No results. No money back. No refunds. No warrantees. It's a sucky place to be in. Before, the whole process was a bit beyond me. I didn't want to get involved too much, perhaps I had an inkling of an idea of the risks and I was scared and I didn't want to throw myself in there for risk of getting too hurt. I must say that women are powerful creatures. I'll leave the bulk of that statement to another post, but briefly, women have such a great capacity to withstand pain emotionally & physically that I definately feel that they are stronger than men. I feel that it's part of my (and mankind's) path to re-join with feminine-strength and sensibility. For awhile I didn't want to move forward, to read about anything, to do anything. Just numb. Comfortably Numb.
Anyway, I digress - I also find that men just have a hard time getting in touch with our feelings, especially on difficult, complex things that are beyond our control, i.e. infertility. Men like to control. They like to build, to construct, to mold & form matter into things. When things are outside of our control, like femininity, emotional volatility, hormones, health issues that aren't easily solved, etc. It's difficult for the male mind to connect - at least for me and a handful of guys that I know - The guys I know that have families, spouses, and even a few of the single ones also. One friend that I was chatting with today has a hard time talking to his wife about deep complex stuff. But after the wife showed him some emails that she wrote to her friends online, he suddenly got this huge understanding of a deeper side of her. It was amazing for him. I suggested that they both start blogging, for even though I don't update this site much, I know it's helpful for my wife. It's alot easier to blurt out all that you're thinking here, without interruption, and then have someone else review it all at once. When trying to dicuss things verbally, there may be too many misunderstandings along the way that can get you into trouble.
So, one of the things I decided to do was to improve my EQ. I bought myself a couple of Dr. Laura relationship books. I like her straight to the point manner in which she gets things done. No nonsense therapy. I've been trained well by Alex ;) In any case, this technique works for me. No victims, martyrs, or excuses allowed. Even though I just started, I am learning about my male-insecurities from being with a powerful woman (that's what I liked about her, amongst other things). I'm learning about the difference between privacy and secrets - that I need to share my feelings more rather than keeping them bottled up inside. This is the best sort of therapy because it puts in your face the issues at hand, and then you deal and try to make changes.
On another level, I'm craving to have more like-minded, high-vibration, kind-hearted, married men in my life to compare notes with. Not growing up with a father that you can talk to certainly creates difficulties later in life, but this, like most things, can eventually be solved. I have a great support network, and the fact that I've bought a powerful book and that I'm starting to admit to some of my issues is a big step for me. Great things are on the way. Btw, I must admit. Even though times can sometimes be very challenging and you feel beating the other person occasionally - I am very appreciative of all of it. It's from times like this that you grow. Life is good.
Anyway, personally, I'm at a stage of my life where I feel like I'm rapidly maturing on a spiritual level. I'm getting really good at meditating, achieving states of relaxation and versatility with my energetic body know-how. From the development of these faculties, I've been paying attention to my thoughts & my feelings that lead me in certain directions from time to time (or all the time, if I pay attention to it). So I was led to a book that I know Alex kept in the basement but has never read.
The book is called "Conscious Conception" - I was drawn to this book and I swear, it seems to be the answer to my call for becoming more connected to (in)fertility. I just started the book, and I'm in love with it already. It's a fertility/spiritual treat perfect for the budding new-age hippy HinJew. It's all about getting in touch with your feelings, Spirit, Mother Earth, cycles of nature, natural stuff - Good Earthly stuff that resonantes with me. I have a strong feeling that this book is going to be transformative for me. I promise to post updates as I come upon them. Wait - here's one thing I found of interest...
The 1st section that really struck me is the element Earth - (the book is divided into sections based on 5-element theory) - and it was relating for a moment that even though a barren dessert has no water and little life, if you dig deep enough, surely you will find moisture.
Everything is not as it seems.
Unfortunately I must make a confession... PollyAnna has stepped out for a little while. While my wife rejoices at this notion, the idea that I'm not as strong in my positivo convictions as I previously projected, I feel that I'm finally coming out of the relatively long 1-month tunnel of doubt. It was a time of detachment, not the good kind, but more of a numbing kind - where you just don't want to think about it because you feel like you just threw away $15 Grand. No results. No money back. No refunds. No warrantees. It's a sucky place to be in. Before, the whole process was a bit beyond me. I didn't want to get involved too much, perhaps I had an inkling of an idea of the risks and I was scared and I didn't want to throw myself in there for risk of getting too hurt. I must say that women are powerful creatures. I'll leave the bulk of that statement to another post, but briefly, women have such a great capacity to withstand pain emotionally & physically that I definately feel that they are stronger than men. I feel that it's part of my (and mankind's) path to re-join with feminine-strength and sensibility. For awhile I didn't want to move forward, to read about anything, to do anything. Just numb. Comfortably Numb.
Anyway, I digress - I also find that men just have a hard time getting in touch with our feelings, especially on difficult, complex things that are beyond our control, i.e. infertility. Men like to control. They like to build, to construct, to mold & form matter into things. When things are outside of our control, like femininity, emotional volatility, hormones, health issues that aren't easily solved, etc. It's difficult for the male mind to connect - at least for me and a handful of guys that I know - The guys I know that have families, spouses, and even a few of the single ones also. One friend that I was chatting with today has a hard time talking to his wife about deep complex stuff. But after the wife showed him some emails that she wrote to her friends online, he suddenly got this huge understanding of a deeper side of her. It was amazing for him. I suggested that they both start blogging, for even though I don't update this site much, I know it's helpful for my wife. It's alot easier to blurt out all that you're thinking here, without interruption, and then have someone else review it all at once. When trying to dicuss things verbally, there may be too many misunderstandings along the way that can get you into trouble.
So, one of the things I decided to do was to improve my EQ. I bought myself a couple of Dr. Laura relationship books. I like her straight to the point manner in which she gets things done. No nonsense therapy. I've been trained well by Alex ;) In any case, this technique works for me. No victims, martyrs, or excuses allowed. Even though I just started, I am learning about my male-insecurities from being with a powerful woman (that's what I liked about her, amongst other things). I'm learning about the difference between privacy and secrets - that I need to share my feelings more rather than keeping them bottled up inside. This is the best sort of therapy because it puts in your face the issues at hand, and then you deal and try to make changes.
On another level, I'm craving to have more like-minded, high-vibration, kind-hearted, married men in my life to compare notes with. Not growing up with a father that you can talk to certainly creates difficulties later in life, but this, like most things, can eventually be solved. I have a great support network, and the fact that I've bought a powerful book and that I'm starting to admit to some of my issues is a big step for me. Great things are on the way. Btw, I must admit. Even though times can sometimes be very challenging and you feel beating the other person occasionally - I am very appreciative of all of it. It's from times like this that you grow. Life is good.
Anyway, personally, I'm at a stage of my life where I feel like I'm rapidly maturing on a spiritual level. I'm getting really good at meditating, achieving states of relaxation and versatility with my energetic body know-how. From the development of these faculties, I've been paying attention to my thoughts & my feelings that lead me in certain directions from time to time (or all the time, if I pay attention to it). So I was led to a book that I know Alex kept in the basement but has never read.
The book is called "Conscious Conception" - I was drawn to this book and I swear, it seems to be the answer to my call for becoming more connected to (in)fertility. I just started the book, and I'm in love with it already. It's a fertility/spiritual treat perfect for the budding new-age hippy HinJew. It's all about getting in touch with your feelings, Spirit, Mother Earth, cycles of nature, natural stuff - Good Earthly stuff that resonantes with me. I have a strong feeling that this book is going to be transformative for me. I promise to post updates as I come upon them. Wait - here's one thing I found of interest...
The 1st section that really struck me is the element Earth - (the book is divided into sections based on 5-element theory) - and it was relating for a moment that even though a barren dessert has no water and little life, if you dig deep enough, surely you will find moisture.
Everything is not as it seems.
1 Comments:
Funny, I always seem to click on your blog just when you've updated...
I have that book, and I love it, too.
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Anonymous, at 3:40 PM
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