IVF Fun

Hello everyone... It's been a long time. Frankly speaking, even though I get plenty of encouragement from my wife and others, I don't feel too attached to writing about infertility issues. It's just not my thing.

On the other hand, since we're now heading for the final stretch of our IVF treatment, I am excited.

In my view, this IVF adventure has been very interesting. As some of you have heard, I've gotten into my share of trouble on more than a few occasions, and have since tried to pull myself out, with difficulty, to only find myself back in shortly thereafter.

First there was the Lupron - that was fun ;) Aside from my wife's mood swings & reactions to the meds, I think I've handled her well. The lady was all over the place, but at least it wasn't as much fun as Clomid. That's my favorite. This one guy who has recently entered our life has me reading some cool spritual stuff, like Autobiography of a Yogi, and so on, and I am so very thankful that I'm into this sort of thing - it really helps regulate me.

Then the wonderful world of injections started (for me). My wife was always more worried about the injections than I was - for good reason! I still have the opinion that the worst one is the Lupron, because you psychologically have to get over that hump to stab yourself every day. At least with me, it's out of her control - a surprise everytime. Especially that one time that I was being arrogant about thinking the alcohol evaporated when it really hadn't. More fun. Not really. I felt really bad. I hate pain, but when I hear my wife complain about pain, which she doesn't (honestly, I think she welcomes it - now that's sick), then I get really concerned. In fact ever since her ovaries have started growing, I hear alot of her pain, and it does concern me. But that's not all.

On top of all of this, she has a dental bridge that's coming loose and is saying that she would rather endure the constant dental pain of having a pinched nerve in her mouth than potentially poison her eggs, etc. I do understand, it's just a double-edged sword I guess. Pain sucks, and I avoid it at almost all costs, except for my not-so-regular colonic routine which is indeed painful, but I figure it will relieve me of a great deal of future pain physically, emotionally, as well as financially.

So, we just got cleared for retrieval in 2 days. I'm really siked at this point because I can taste it. From the advice of 2 psychic practitioners, various psychic friends (no, not the Psychic Friends Network), and a constant manifestation of creative visualizations, affirmations & prayer - I envision myself holding my child very soon in one of those over-the-shoulder-baby-holders. Walking to the park, dancing at my brother's wedding, etc.

From the way that I've recently felt connected to the canine race, at least the very ones who share my bed every night, I feel more prepared than ever in my life to be a father. From the diarhea event a few days ago (3-4 huge piles), I transformed my plight into preperatory initiation into baby-turd cleaning, etc. There's a silver lining to every cloud, I like to think. From occasionally coming upon baby stuff & pictures on the web - I feel good things are on the way. On top of that, I still get my many numerical signs every day that let me know that something great is just around the corner(clocks, receipts, bills with numerical anomalies like- 11:11, 11:22, 11:33, 11:33, 9:11, 2:22, 3:33, etc). Yes I'm continuing off of the deep end looking for positive symbolism in everything - whatever works! In fact, I'm not sure if I wrote about my relatively new job (My Dream Job), but in the months & weeks preceeding my acquisition of this job, I saw the very same numbers all of the time.

Anyway, onward we go. From our hCG shot tonight, the next couple of days are going to be fun, followed by our 1st operation on Thursday. I'm siked and positive as usual. Life is great!

Thank you for putting up with my rambles, my frequent sabbaticals, and my pollyanna view of everything wonderful in my life.

Namaste.