Semen Lost at Sea...

Monday, December 19, 2005

More confirmations...

Yesterday, Alex and I had a fantastic Tarot card reading at my favorite new-age bookstore, Mystic Valley. The reader was the best that I've ever been to - she was extremely intuitive, even before the cards were turned over. She accurately talked about events going on in our lives, and verified the soul-mate connection between us. Anyway, some of the main points related to this are: shortly after we walked in she commented on seeing (2) child souls around Alex, she told us that Alex still needs to do some learning/work/changes to make this happen, like spending more time enjoying life, taking the stress and pressure off, and keeping in mind that she will have children - timing is also important. We also got some indication of what time frame we should be looking at with respect to when the children will be born, astrologically speaking. This is good because Alex had before a very narrow conception of when the kids should be born - and having expanded possibilities should help reduce her stress levels.

All along, I have intuitively felt the much of the same things that this person has spoken about... Noteably that Alex has some important lessons to learn (exactly what, I don't know), and that it's a matter of timing. I honestly know in my heart that we're going to have our children relatively soon, and I feel strongly about my intuition, now more than ever - especially since I'm learning how to trust myself, psychically.

Now, I can admit that I'm still not a good IVF husband. I have a difficult time facing the emotional problems that infertility has brought into our life. In the past my issue was with the money and now I have this sense of inner trust that our money situation will work out no matter what. I do have trouble talking to my wife about moving forward. I feel naturally apprehensive about bringing up IVF and discussing what to do - mostly out of guilt for not being proactive in the past, yet being this way keeps my in the same exact situation - it's really kind of lame, but I tend to get stuck in this place. My goal, after yet another long discussion is to face my fears of confronting the emotional heaviness, of facing my false sense of pride and ego, and to proactively discuss our plans. I have a really hard time sticking with things, new ideas, new behaviors, etc - even when I know they're good for me and for us. I am like a child in the sense that I have a hard time facing the realities that are in our life, especially those that affect my wife to such a high degree. I need to be better at caring for her needs and moving our life forward.

So, combining these two topics leads to a big problem for me - what to do? I think the solution for me and my metaphysical mind is to trust the process. Trust that no matter what I do, everything will work out well, despite my hemming and hawing of the past and present. The important thing is for me to take steps forward, constantly. I am constantly reminded of my previous job, when Alex told me many time to put my resume out earlier, to leave my job earlier - and even though I put up with alot of things, including not getting paid for a few months worth of time (which I now am going to ask about, once again), I intuitively felt in my heart that these hard times are temporary and that there is a bright light just around the corner. Even though that corner didn't come soon enough, I KNEW it was there. And it was, for I'm in my sweet spot, career-wise. That's exactly the way I know it to be now with respect to our infertility issues. We're getting the signs. I sense that our life is not stagnant. Life is moving ahead for us (in a really good way) We're putting out our intent. We're cleaning up our space. Many people have reaffirmed over and over that they 'see' 2 kids around us. I know this to be true. All I can do is take whatever steps I can take in the present and let the future reveal itself as it will.

On a final note, I am reminded of my trip to Israel, going to the Kryon seminar - that I should expect the unexpected, I should not put a timeline on anything, and I should basically live in the moment and take constant action. I'm sure that a surprise is just around the corner...

Monday, December 05, 2005

Fertility Thoughts From Israel

I was recently in Israel on a business trip, and by synchronicity I had many kind people offer me their help.

First of all - my long-time friends in Israel have put me in touch with a friend of theirs who has become pregnant via IVF, and an interesting coincidence on that is that the female-side of the couple works for one of the companies that I came to visit (I learned that the high-tech community in Israel is very small). My friends and other seemingly random Israelis whom I soon became friends with offered to help me out in a variety of ways: from helping us to find doctors over there, to helping us make Aliyah so we can get free fertility treatments, to providing my wife & I a place to stay while under treatment. For those of you familiar with my travel blog, http://gaiamangoes.blogspot.com , you can see that Israel holds a very special place in my heart, even though I'm not particularly religious (Jewish-religious, anyway).

On the way home I sat next to two woman who were very eager to get me pregnant by their fertility doctors, (a Dr. Richard Grazzi, in Brooklyn) who were one and the same, despite them both being strangers to each other.

On another note, on the way over ther I remember taking notice of some of the Europeans boarding the plane with me. I was touched seeing the image of a strong macho-looking guy, paying very close attention to his kids. Of course, any Jewish-airline is expected to have a plethora of kids and parents travelling about, so there were many soft-hearted sights and sounds all along the way.

Jumping around, I don't have the time to get into details now, but while staying with my friends, I had alot of time to see what it's like to be around an infant... I had a few opportunities to hold my friend's daughter, see how they change her (actually got a lesson), and see my friend breastfeed amongst friends. She was very discreet and everyone treated her with respect - after hearing about some people saying negative things and being troublesome in the states (I'm sure they're in the minority), I was very relieved to enjoy the environment that my friends created for their baby girl. Everything in Israel just flowed naturally for me. As I said in my other blog. Israel is Home.

One other thing, (I know I'm just jumping around, but I want to make this post quick since I'm at work and I need to get home), I had an idea that I just wanted to put down for myself. While talking to one of my new friends about their baby, and how they and the doctors can't figure out while she's crying all the time (or something like that, I forgot in the past few weeks), I had an idea that it would be very worthwhile to learn the art of one-handed applied kinesiology - a technique that my chiropractor uses to judge what my energy imbalances are, and for other diagnoses. From my training in Touch For Health, this technique can also be used for determining by proxy what the child needs in terms of food, vitamins, water, care, etc, by asking many questions while looking for yes/no responses from your finger muscles.