Crying at Weddings...

Most people cry at weddings for the usual reasons... The beautiful bride... transitioning from a bachlorettedom to couplehood; Leaving the nest for good... Starting a new life with her new husband...

Not me. As of tonight, at a wedding of one of my wife's friends, I started a subtle cry session unbeknownst to anyone including my wife. Before the wedding procession began, I started to pay attention to all of the kids crying, talking (babyspeak), and playing with their coloring books. As the wedding proceeded and the adorable ring-bearers approached the front of the chapel, my heart began to swell. They were so cute! During the ceremony, as the child of one of the bridesmaids began to cry, the grandfather (I think) offered to take care of the tot (off to the side), probably to reminisce with the feeling of once being a father and taking care of one or more of his own. I remember the expression on his face when he finally returned with the baby in his arms, calm and all, totally satisfied - for volunteering to console his great-grand-daughter during the wedding service.

I guess it's a mandatory rule that all kids at weddings have to be cute. It just makes things harder for the temporary infertile (There I go again... being positive...(Alex will probably tell you it's a disease!)).

So, Soon after I silently began to tear up, I quickly regained my stature to avert any chain-reactions coming from my wife standing next to me. It still hurt though. Kind of bitter-sweet actually, where I'm happy to see the kids and I'm rather entertained by them nowadays, but still longing for some of my own.

Then, during the reception as I walked to the bar to get a couple of drinks, someone's kid grabs hold of my leg and starts swinging from it. Oh Wow. It felt great for a split second. The connection. Then the awkwardness of someone seeing their kid swinging from the leg of some stranger. And ending with a feeling of happy-sadness - wishing for one of my own. I felt the feelings come and go all throughout the reception, especially when the kids were on the dance floor expressing themselves without any hint of negative self-conciousness. Pure play. Pure expression.

In any case...At least I don't have any other weddings on the horizon - for at least another year - hopefully ! (Unless we get pregnant, of course!).