Babies of the World

This last weekend we went to a Children of the World Christmas Party that was really cool... Inside of a large room of a community center, with a huge stage and Santa, there were kids running amok from many different nationalities, having a great time with each other.

They were all so very cute, dancing, playing, play-fighting, tumbling, running... Oh - I just wanted one so bad. Any of them. Soon-Soon... I know it will happen soon. I am totally committed to it, a far cry from a few years ago. But now, I'm completely ready. Hopefully we'll get some things cleared up and we'll be on our way to filling out an application!

Anyway, just seeing these kids made my heart warm up, and my tears fall. Soon...

Jealousy at Work

So I'm at work now, helping process health insurance applications and it kinda sucks being exposed to people who have kids coming out of their wazoo. One of the partners of the office next-door has 5 kids. So, I'm filling out the app, daydreaming about how great it would be to have one of my own. Then I start getting delusional - role-playing in my head how I'm going to ask him if I can have one of them, to keep. As I go through this torture, I have this deep pit in my stomach, and a feeling of being pathetic for thinking these things.

The rollercoaster

Being infertile is such a rollercoaster, and at the moment I'm feeling quite scatterbrained, so I apologize if my writing is badly written... I'm actually starting to get frustrated (normally I'm pretty patient about our situation) with the number of options available, and the rollercoaster of emotions of trying to figure out which is the best direction to move in.

Over the past couple of days Alex has been bouncing back and forth between adoption in Guatemala or Panama. But yesterday I was hearing that adoption is on the back burner and our natural child-birth woes are on the front. Today, it's reverse once again.

I must say that my wife's emotions are all over the place. As her husband... I sometimes don't know what to think. Personally, I am working towards adoption at this very moment... clearing up some past problems (speeding tickets), aggressively working on getting our finances into better shape, and helping with the country of origin and finding a suitable agency.

It's frustrating figuring out the best way to get a healthy infant from a S. America to our loving arms for an economical price, from a reputable agency, and in a reasonable time period. I guess it's not that hard in reality, we just need to focus on the country that will give us what we want, and then find an agency that works in that particular country. Still, with the various reports and testimonials out there going everywhichway, it's still confusing.

Anyway, enough for now... time for bed...