More confirmations...

Yesterday, Alex and I had a fantastic Tarot card reading at my favorite new-age bookstore, Mystic Valley. The reader was the best that I've ever been to - she was extremely intuitive, even before the cards were turned over. She accurately talked about events going on in our lives, and verified the soul-mate connection between us. Anyway, some of the main points related to this are: shortly after we walked in she commented on seeing (2) child souls around Alex, she told us that Alex still needs to do some learning/work/changes to make this happen, like spending more time enjoying life, taking the stress and pressure off, and keeping in mind that she will have children - timing is also important. We also got some indication of what time frame we should be looking at with respect to when the children will be born, astrologically speaking. This is good because Alex had before a very narrow conception of when the kids should be born - and having expanded possibilities should help reduce her stress levels.

All along, I have intuitively felt the much of the same things that this person has spoken about... Noteably that Alex has some important lessons to learn (exactly what, I don't know), and that it's a matter of timing. I honestly know in my heart that we're going to have our children relatively soon, and I feel strongly about my intuition, now more than ever - especially since I'm learning how to trust myself, psychically.

Now, I can admit that I'm still not a good IVF husband. I have a difficult time facing the emotional problems that infertility has brought into our life. In the past my issue was with the money and now I have this sense of inner trust that our money situation will work out no matter what. I do have trouble talking to my wife about moving forward. I feel naturally apprehensive about bringing up IVF and discussing what to do - mostly out of guilt for not being proactive in the past, yet being this way keeps my in the same exact situation - it's really kind of lame, but I tend to get stuck in this place. My goal, after yet another long discussion is to face my fears of confronting the emotional heaviness, of facing my false sense of pride and ego, and to proactively discuss our plans. I have a really hard time sticking with things, new ideas, new behaviors, etc - even when I know they're good for me and for us. I am like a child in the sense that I have a hard time facing the realities that are in our life, especially those that affect my wife to such a high degree. I need to be better at caring for her needs and moving our life forward.

So, combining these two topics leads to a big problem for me - what to do? I think the solution for me and my metaphysical mind is to trust the process. Trust that no matter what I do, everything will work out well, despite my hemming and hawing of the past and present. The important thing is for me to take steps forward, constantly. I am constantly reminded of my previous job, when Alex told me many time to put my resume out earlier, to leave my job earlier - and even though I put up with alot of things, including not getting paid for a few months worth of time (which I now am going to ask about, once again), I intuitively felt in my heart that these hard times are temporary and that there is a bright light just around the corner. Even though that corner didn't come soon enough, I KNEW it was there. And it was, for I'm in my sweet spot, career-wise. That's exactly the way I know it to be now with respect to our infertility issues. We're getting the signs. I sense that our life is not stagnant. Life is moving ahead for us (in a really good way) We're putting out our intent. We're cleaning up our space. Many people have reaffirmed over and over that they 'see' 2 kids around us. I know this to be true. All I can do is take whatever steps I can take in the present and let the future reveal itself as it will.

On a final note, I am reminded of my trip to Israel, going to the Kryon seminar - that I should expect the unexpected, I should not put a timeline on anything, and I should basically live in the moment and take constant action. I'm sure that a surprise is just around the corner...