The Big Wait

It's now the time of the Big Wait, at least for me. I am cut off from communicating with my wife until I get back to town, for I'm presently in Seoul, Korea on business. This is a little harder now because for the first few days I was here we were constantly talking to each other over Skype, but now we're cut off from each other. The reason is that whether she's super-happy or super-sad, she needs to experience those emotions with me in her grasp.

It's been a tough week - trying to go with the flow, yet at the same time making time for praises of thanks for having an opportunity to be pregnant (not me, her). I admit, it's been tough staying focused on being positive, and sometime my mind wanders to the negative, but I think the best I can do is to clear my mind, stay in the moment & stay in the flow.

I'm very worried for Alex, I can feel my heart crumbling at the thought of her crying profusely alone. She has a good support network, but most likely she will want to be alone at least for awhile. In any case during the time that we spoke, she sounded somewhat prepared for negative results. Pollyanna here, butting in - perhaps she will test pregnant in the near future, if it's negative now. Like a delayed response.

On top of all of this, we recently came upon a business opportunity that would be very difficult for us to give up. We would be minority partners in a very lucrative business that has lots of potential, the only stipulation is that it would be like a 9-5 job, and without putting much thought into it, I know if she is prego, that she'd want to be a full-time mom at home. Perhaps there can be flexible ways of working this out... I don't know. Again, metaphysically, the only solace I have right now is living in the present moment - not thinking about the future, just working on what I need to do or be right now.

That is my challenge for the rest of this week, until saturday night.

The Wait...

So the wait has begun... We transferred 3 embryos about a week ago and Alex & I have been praying ever since. Non-stop. Almost every morning I do some energy-work to the pictures of our 3 embryos that sits in our bedroom on top of one of those purple energy plates, with a crystal on it, next to the cd-player playing non-stop Om Namah Shivayah (recommended by our good friends who play it in the background to ward off evil spirits, and to help growing embryos), and then continue to offer my thanks to god for getting us pregnant. We both do alot of spiritual work to try to make these things grow strongly & healthily.

Anyway, the problem is that I'm getting confused with respect to when to be positive and when to FEEL and go into my emotions. This turned into an argument last night. Actually, this issue comes up often. I think I focus on being positive as much as possible when it comes to something that happen in the future, with respect to the manifestation concept. What we think, we create (delayed, of course). I've had many examples of this in my life, and I'm getting the feeling that this phenonema is quickening. The Feeling side of me that wants to get melancholic, moody, depressed, etc. - perhaps that should be reserved for other occasions. The problem is that there is alot of overlap. For instance, I may get depressed about money. Because I know thinking & feeling bad about myself & situation will make things worse (with respect to Universal Attraction), I always stop myself. But, at the same time, I recognize that we're here to also have a human experience, to feel, to feel pain as well as great joy.

Then there is the issue with my wife, or others for that matter. If they're depressed and they want to be consoled, do I try to console in my typical pollyanna way or maybe just stay quiet, listen, acknowledge, or perhaps - GASP! share my own pain for a moment. Lately I'm starting to think that if what we think manifests with a delay of sorts, then that gives me enough time to get into the feeling of whatever needs to be felt, whether for myself or for others, and then later on I can get grounded, clear my thoughts & then project my positive creative intentions out to the collective unconsciousness.