First Thoughts...
It has been suggested by my wife that I start a blog about infertility from the male point-of-view...
For a long time she has asked me to consider it and I have always responded with disinterest - I have always felt that there are better ways for me to spend my time... say - by just being positive and wishing/affirming/projecting/ and just plain hoping for the best. For the past 3 years or so that I have been dealing with infertility, my emotions have pretty much just been on the sidelines. When my wife would feel upset about the issue, I would console her, and during these times I would tend to feel somewhat connected to the issue, but still on the sidelines (my positive mental attitude carried me very far those days). Also, I have noticed my wife become more cynical & disillusioned about kids in general - the strange thing is... is that as time is going by, many of the things that currently bother my wife are now starting to bother me. Maybe the past few years of "Serenity Now" are finally catching up with me.
A number of circumstances have happened recently - I don't remember all/any of them. Wait... Maybe I'll think of a situation soon... Nope! Maybe next time. But I do remember the feelings... Seeing kids, especially young cute international ones make me long for a child. Seeing various people doing everyday sporty activities, but with their babies/kids makes me feel a tad jealous these days. Thinking about how we may have to pay $15k+ to have a child is starting to wear my emotions thin these days, especially when we're living in tight times anyway.
Just thinking about all of this is starting to make my heart hurt. Even my naive thoughts that my 4 cats & 1 dog are my kids are starting to lose their effects.
In anycase, I must press onward, with hope.... why? Because it's a long way down, and I'd rather keep my head in the clouds than down & out.
Till next time...
For a long time she has asked me to consider it and I have always responded with disinterest - I have always felt that there are better ways for me to spend my time... say - by just being positive and wishing/affirming/projecting/ and just plain hoping for the best. For the past 3 years or so that I have been dealing with infertility, my emotions have pretty much just been on the sidelines. When my wife would feel upset about the issue, I would console her, and during these times I would tend to feel somewhat connected to the issue, but still on the sidelines (my positive mental attitude carried me very far those days). Also, I have noticed my wife become more cynical & disillusioned about kids in general - the strange thing is... is that as time is going by, many of the things that currently bother my wife are now starting to bother me. Maybe the past few years of "Serenity Now" are finally catching up with me.
A number of circumstances have happened recently - I don't remember all/any of them. Wait... Maybe I'll think of a situation soon... Nope! Maybe next time. But I do remember the feelings... Seeing kids, especially young cute international ones make me long for a child. Seeing various people doing everyday sporty activities, but with their babies/kids makes me feel a tad jealous these days. Thinking about how we may have to pay $15k+ to have a child is starting to wear my emotions thin these days, especially when we're living in tight times anyway.
Just thinking about all of this is starting to make my heart hurt. Even my naive thoughts that my 4 cats & 1 dog are my kids are starting to lose their effects.
In anycase, I must press onward, with hope.... why? Because it's a long way down, and I'd rather keep my head in the clouds than down & out.
Till next time...
